I had a nice talk with Manti yesterday. It was just the two of us, and we were able to talk about some things that have weighed quite heavily on my heart for sometime now. During the conversation, I tried to explain to him what I experience inside when I'm under stress.
Imagine being in a dark room - like at a dance where the lights are very dim and there are a lot of people - and there is an intense strobe light flashing the whole time. I'm not talking about a disco ball. I'm talking about a strobe light that flashes strong beams of lights haphazardly around the room into any unsuspecting eyeballs that might be unfortunate enough to be looking in its direction. How do you turn off one of those things? I think they hide the switch somewhere so that only one person knows where it is and they have all-power where the strobe light is concerned.
Inside my head is a strobe light. It has endless battery power too, I think. I don't know where the switch is, and if someone turns it on, its inevitably going to aim for my eyes and keep me from being able to focus on anything. It truly is a miserable feeling.
And that is my definition of my personal stress response. It's no wonder I can't deal with anything during stressful times, right? It interferes with all thought processes and reasoning. I'd really like to pull that plug. *sigh*
So am I just odd, or is that a plausible description for what everybody experiences when they feel stressed?
Stress shuts me down completely. I reach a point where I can't think or function and need to get off by myself and just be alone. I put up a wall between me and the rest of the world so I can feel safe again. I don't solve anything that way, but I can't be hurt either.
ReplyDelete